Pseudo-Royal [Site under renovation!]

Recently, I've been having this dilemma about this guy I like. And it just so happens that I've just told myself not to get myself involve in stuffs involving romance. Not that I am bitter or anything. I've just realized that my past relationships [ and almost relationships ] failed because it simply wasn't my time yet. So I thought, "I should back off."

But then, out of the blue, I've started to notice this guy who also happened to be one of my close friends. I suddenly saw how good of a man he is. He's smart and intelligent [ no doubt about that], he is music oriented, he is good at sports, a leader, a total gentleman, and the best part is, he is a man after God's own heart. I mean who wouldn't notice that? You'd be stupid not to.

And the same time that my feelings for him were ignited, I was also trying to extinguish it. In which I wasn't successful. I've thought of ways to avoid him, but for many reasons, I just can't. Not because I don't want to, but because our situation won't allow us to. And that frustrates me.

And to make things worse, he was in my dreams last night. And in the dream, he finally asked me to be his girlfriend. It was a very glorious moment. That I won't deny. But then, as I woke up. I became confused. I SHOULDN'T BE DWELLING IN THAT DREAM. It just ain't right.

And while I was trying to forget what I feel for him, here comes another guy friend. Darn it. Sometimes, I think, "Why can't they all just go away?!" It's really frustrating. And it so difficult because these persons happen to be one of the few persons I treasure my friendship with. And I don't want to lose that.

So I prayed and prayed and prayed. And just in time, my lovely teacher when I was high school sent us a message on Facebook containing an article from Blogger. And then , there is light to everything. It dawned on me that it was my own doing I'm in this situation now. It wasn't their fault. They didn't ask for me to like them. I chose it on my own will. And I did it without even thinking what the consequences might be. I was so deeply in love with the thought of liking someone and someone liking me back that I forgot I shouldn't be dwelling myself in those stuffs. I was convincing myself that I'm over it when truth of the matter is, I wasn't. [For the record, I think I'm starting to dwell on things more maturely now than before. Yey me!] And I thank God for reminding me that. Now, I know better.

In the autumn on the ground,

between the traffic and the ordinary sounds

I am thinking signs and seasons while a north wind blows through

I watch as lovers pass me by

Walking stories - whos and hows and whys

Musing lazily on love

Pondering you

I'll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell

When it's time to walk that way we wanna walk it well

I'll be waiting for you baby

I'll be holding back the darkest night

Love is waiting till we're ready, til it's right

Love is waiting

It's my caution not the cold

There's no other hand that I would rather hold

The climate changes, I'm singing for the strangers about you

Don't keep time, slow the pace

Honey hold on if you can

The bets are getting surer now that you're my man

I could write a million songs about the way you say my name

I could live a lifetime with you and then do it all again

and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start,

neither should I rush my way into your heart